Beginning

Writing is hard.
Writing well is even harder.

I have avoided writing for the larger part of my life. Let me be clear here; I do not mean that I have avoided writing as a matter of dislike for the activity, and neither do I mean that I don't write. What I mean is that, insofar as I have had to write, I have always approach it like a chore. It is an obligation I have to fulfill, quite apart from activities that I typically classify as enjoyable. A lot of the writing I have done over the past eight years of my academic life has been... well, academic. A term paper here, an essay there. I work fervently to prepare, usually in a fairly disorganized manner, until I find I can put off the actual writing of the thing no longer.

I'm always left feeling shame in the work that I've done. Very few of the things I have written can I go back to and say that I'm proud of the work that I did.

I think this is a defect of discipline, really, and one that I would like to work on. Like any skill, writing is something that improves the more you do it. So this is a beginning.

I doubt much of what I write here will be particularly insightful - I make no promises here. But I will begin.

I just want to take a moment to outline my motivations here. The past year has been instructive for me, to say the least. No other span of my life has been so utterly destroying as the second year in my graduate studies. My inadequacies have been thrown in sharp relief. My shortcomings are thorns in the mind.

I don't mention this so you will feel sorry for me; rather the opposite, in fact. I say this because it shows me where I am, and how far I need to go. It has been a humbling experience, one that has lead me to develop better methods for approaching my studies and my research. I am trying to learn to be more careful, to explore with more cautious and with better focus, and to be mindful in everything I say and do.

This project has, by and large, been a success, and I will consider beginning to write the next step.

Writing well is hard, but it doesn't have to be unexciting.